americans have a fascination with making life easier. i haven't quite figured out this fascination with something that might be categorized as an effort to "modernize". why waste ten minutes of your precious time cutting tomatoes that end up being all pulpy and messy when you can get that auto-dicer that does it perfectly every time? as a part-time fan of late-night infomercials (from my periodic insomnia), i have seen nearly every last shortcut for some human endeavour. don't like sit-ups? get that pro wrestling-sized belt that shoots electrodes through your ab muscles. get ripped sitting on the couch! need to make perfect omelettes? or complicated braids for your hair? the message, as always is: your time is more valuable than going to the gym or slicing tomatoes. we americans value our "free time", even when invariably, those extra free minutes each day are squandered by the go-go mentality of trying to do it all.
so why is this today's subject? well, "free time" in the ph.d.-candidate world-view is a highly ambiguous, and oftentimes ephemeral concept. apart from attending class and leading my lab section, technically all my time is "free". i don't "have" to do my readings, and i don't have to do a literature review. there are short-cuts out there. and in a class with 20 people, chances are i could fake a discussion if pressed. and i could just read abstracts or cross-reference papers (referencing a paper simply from reading its citation in a second paper...) but that, in my humble opinion, "lessens" the experience. so it's hard work! woo-hoo! reading until 2am, watching the first 20 minutes of "Wallace & Gromit" b/c any more would waste your window of falling asleep, volunteering for innumerable requests from various professors/advisors to help them. i want to, in all senses and varieties of the term, EARN my degree.
of course, hang around a university office long enough, and you'll begin to wonder if it's more insane asylum than ivory tower. the story is that we all go crazy at some point. maybe it's by degrees. maybe it's a clock-tower-esque total meltdown. but, i hope, it's not inevitable. as a result, i'm girding my sanity with some daily rituals, which, over time, hopefully will both shape me professionally/personally, and keep my sanity. for your reading pleasure, i present: "Goose's 10 easy steps to sanity"!
1) change your alarm time. daily. pre-establishing what time you "need to wake up" is building stress into your day before it even starts. for convention, i like to vary it b/n 7:10am (MW) and 9:49 (TR). on Friday (F), i like to play russian roulette. it makes it exciting! you wake up, say at 8:00am, and you start thinking, "is it about to go off? can i lay here for 30 minutes playing fifa soccer on my computer before it goes off? 2 hours? all day?" see, instead of stress, you start with hopeful possibilities and optimism! of course, to be on the safe side, i limit the "blind setting" to no later than 4pm. which is when the "non"-mandatory guest lecture begins.
2) whistle. no kidding. the halls here are nice and echo-ey. and i remember reading an article whilst at yale saying something like "happier people whistle" or maybe it was "guys whistle when thinking about girls". i can't recall. either way, your happiness quotient improves. to recount: happiness +2, stress 0.
3) pack exciting things for lunch. like twinkies. happiness +4, stress +0.5 (simply b/c you know that a) you're 30 and are probably the only person in the building with twinkies for lunch, and b) that whole "bad diet leads to heart attack" idea...
4) read the comics. for regular readers, you know that i read 6 comics religiously. find your 6. 7 if you insist "better or worse" or "hagar" are funny/entertaining. if you're unable to find a couple good ones, may i recommend: "over the hedge" (esp. if you have the LA experience), "pearls before swine", and foxtrot (esp. since the good dr.mav, as a young collegian, confided the daughter in said comic was "cute"). sure, people may catch you reading the latest dilbert and think you either unprofessional or scatter-brained. but realize, if they do think that, they are the ones needing help. relax, muha! enjoy "zits" and get over yourself. happiness +10 (+9 if boondocks gets a little too political or doonesbury isn't making fun of the president), stress 0 (reading over the hedge gets over your twinkies guilt...)
5) when conceptually lost or mentally fatigued, give yourself a pep talk. i like the one, "there's a guy farming yams in kenya, who does that every day for no money and his family is dirt poor and he's always tired, and he always works harder than you." it might make you feel more kinship with kenyans or agrarian farmers or sympathy for their plight. or, it might, for a few moments, get you to forget about whatever was bothering you. if you want to rise up and celebrate not being that yam farmer, good for you. if not, imagine being his assistant. that'll get you through the reading! happiness +5, stress +1 (temporary, once the work gets done, stress drops to -4)
6) get away from the work once a day. even yam farmers do other things. currently, i like the gym or grocery shopping or fiddling with the antenna to get nbc. until i realize that nbc has no good shows. (happiness +8, stress -1) (the muscleheads at the gym remain a bit too much...)
7) pack in as many things as you can whilst standing. for example, before sitting down when you get home, start cooking. then maybe go freshen up. then maybe check the mail. then maybe organize shoes, or something. so when you do get to sitting down, you get to think things like, "YEA!" and "man this stirfry is tasty 5 nights in a row!" or "that phone better not ring b/c i forgot to grab it and bring it over here." (happiness +11, stress -4)
8) ponder shaving options after your shower. then spend time convincing euge to join the "mustache club". (happiness + 12 or +21 if euge joins, stress -9)
9) celebrate the little things. you'd think that this is a bit redundant. but not having the opportunity to go climb everest or disappear into the amazon for a month doesn't mean that the routine must become routine. another way to put it: amuse yourself. for example, this week i've turned my bike route from home to campus into a slalom course. the gates? undergrads of course. and yes, time yourself. (happiness +22 or + 25 if you clip a few gates, stress -11 or +4 if the gate wants to press charges...)
10) finally, the best way to simplify life is to remember rule #1: "there are no rules". when in doubt, check rule #2: "SEE rule #1". stress is self-made. and therefore, self-eliminated.
ok, i'm off. i got a great Super G course to the gym. theme music i'll be whistling "always let your conscience be your guide" (give a little whistle). time to beat: 6:18.05
--goose
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